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Review by: Andrew, 2008-04-16 12:00
Once upon a time in Nice, France…I helped write a terrible action movie that starred an ex-basketball player. He was as bad at acting as he was as good at hoops. His acting coach actually told us with great pride that he had recently taught the star how to walk and talk at the same time – but he couldn´t actually walk and talk and "act" at the same time. He assured us he would have him up and running by the time the movie started filming. Unfortunately, he was wrong. The basketball stars performance was as stiff as the performances in the wonderfully entertaining "Beowulf".
The performances in Beowulf are stiff because the dude who directed it (same dude who directed the classic "Back to the Future") uses this weird ass totally modern technique where he films the movements of the actors digitally and then uses that as a basis for the animated characters. Why does he hire people like Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie and then only use an animated form of them? So he can make totally kick ass action scenes the likes of which you´ve never seen before. If you don´t believe me, just check out the opening scene where the freakishly disgusting monster (played by the same genius who played McFly´s dad in "Future") literally rips a man in half and then starts killing other men with the dead man’s bleeding torso. Now that´s entertainment.
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